You are sitting in the chair by the window while your wife sits on the exam table. The doctor turns to you and says, "And what have you noticed?" You have noticed everything. You have also never said any of it out loud, and you are not sure she wants you to.
What follows is a script for the husband, wife, or partner who comes along to depression appointments with the person they love. It covers what to say, what to ask, and what to leave alone, especially if a treatment like esketamine is on the table.
Why the partner's role is a supporting one
We surveyed 443 Midwest adults in June 2026, in a study our publisher commissioned. The question was simple: whose advice would get you to try a ketamine-type treatment for depression? The doctor you already see, answered 74 percent of respondents. A friend or relative, spouses included, came in at 18 percent. Partners, parents, and other relatives of a veteran or first responder, 156 respondents in all, gave the doctor 73 percent. None of that means you should stay quiet.
It is a reason to be precise. You are in the room to help the doctor understand what is happening and to help your partner make a decision, not to make it for them.
Before the appointment
Have a short conversation at home. It prevents most of the awkward moments.
"Do you want me to talk at the appointment, or just be there? Is there anything you don't want me to bring up?"
Agree on what you will share. If your partner wants you to describe symptoms, jot down specifics together: sleep, appetite, work, withdrawal from friends, the number of months this has lasted, and every medication tried. If your partner wants you to stay quiet, stay quiet.
Also agree on a signal, a word or a touch on the arm, that means "please stop." You may never need it. Knowing it exists helps both of you relax.
During the appointment
Let your partner speak first. Wait until they have finished, or until they or the doctor invite you in.
If asked what you have seen, describe, don't diagnose.
"Since spring she's been sleeping ten or eleven hours and still waking up exhausted. She stopped going to her Thursday group. She's tried two different antidepressants and each time we hoped, and each time it didn't really change."
Observations like these are useful to a clinician. Labels like "she's just not trying" or "he's always been moody" are not.
If your partner wants to ask about esketamine and wants your help:
"We came across esketamine, a nasal spray sold as Spravato, meant for depression that other medicines haven't moved. Is that something that might fit, or is there a reason it wouldn't?"
Most people have never heard of it, so do not be surprised if your partner needs a moment to process the name, which drew a blank with 73 percent of the adults in our survey. Keep the question open-ended so the doctor can explain the fit, the risks, and the alternatives. If you want to read ahead together, Brain Recovery Centers describes what a Spravato visit involves.
Questions that suit the partner's chair
These are practical questions that affect the household, and it is reasonable for you to ask them if your partner agrees:
- "How often would visits be, and how long does each one take?" In the first weeks, expect two sessions a week, each with a monitoring stretch of at least two hours tacked on.
- "Can she drive afterward?" No. She has to wait for the following day and a good night's sleep.
- "What side effects should I expect when she comes home?" Common ones include drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, and a detached or dreamlike feeling during and shortly after the session.
- "What changes should make us call you?"
- "Does this interact with any of her other medications or conditions?" Blood pressure matters especially.
- "How is it different from the ketamine clinics and at-home ketamine we've seen advertised?" Esketamine is FDA-approved and used only in certified settings; drips of IV ketamine and ketamine taken at home are each off-label uses for depression.
Questions about coverage
Money questions are often the partner's job. If your partner is comfortable, ask:
"Could your office file the prior authorization with our insurer? Is there anything we should gather to help?"
You are in good company caring about this. Of the adults we surveyed, 85 percent listed coverage as one of the two things they weigh most in a provider.
What to avoid saying
- "I just want my wife back." It is heartfelt, but it can land as blame. Try "I'm worried about her, and I want to help."
- "We've decided to try this." Unless your partner said that, do not say it for them.
- "Will this fix it?" No treatment carries that kind of promise, and the question puts the doctor in an impossible spot.
- Stories about other people's experiences with at-home ketamine or infusions. They are not evidence for your partner.
If your partner is unsure
Uncertainty is common. Our survey's most frequent first reaction to ketamine-based treatment was "cautious but open," picked by 34 percent. Skeptical was 21 percent. Negative was 9 percent. If your partner hesitates in the room, you might say:
"You don't have to decide today. Can we take some information home and talk it over?"
That takes pressure off and keeps the option open.
On the drive home
Ask how they felt about the visit before you share your own take. If they are leaning toward trying esketamine, start planning logistics together. If they are not, ask what would help them think it through. Either way, the decision is theirs, made with their clinician.
If at any point your partner mentions suicide, or something makes you afraid for their safety, stop and call or text 988 to get the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Staff there answer around the clock, and a partner may reach out for someone else.
Methodology
Our publisher paid for and commissioned the survey behind this script. Pollfish's consumer panel took responses up to June 23, 2026, and 443 adults aged 18 to 64 finished it, from Nebraska, Ohio, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Indiana. Spouses alone were too few to break out, so the group figure above folds them in with other family members. Each figure reflects Pollfish's validated, final data.